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DENTIST JOKES

Isn't there a cheaper way?

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60."
"Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."
"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20."
"Marvelous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday!"

Hands in the wallet

A friend of mine went to the dentist recently. He commented that it must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth.
He said: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

The biggest cavity

"Open wider," requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient.
"Good grief!" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen... the biggest cavity I've ever seen."
"OK Doc!" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice."
"I didn't!" said the dentist, "That was the echo."

Painful screams

Dentist begging the patient: "Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?"
Patient: "Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time."
Dentist: "There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game".

No pain killers, please!

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
"I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want any pain killers because I'm in a big hurry. No gas or needles or any of that stuff." the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?"
The woman turned to her husband and said: "Show him your tooth, dear."

How can she know?

A man picks up a girl in a party. They proceed to her place and things are starting to heat up. He takes his shirt off and washes his hands. He takes his pants off and washes hands again.
So, the girl tells him: "I bet you're a dentist."
Surprised he says: "That's correct, how did you know?"
"You washed your hands a few times, so I figured you're used to it."
They go on and they have sex. Then she says: "You know what? I'm willing to bet you're a very good dentist."
"How can you know?" he asks.
"I didn't feel a thing...!"

How they make the rubber gloves?

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves.
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
She said: "No, I don't have any idea."
"Well," he spoofed, "Down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in and then walks around for a bit while the latex sets and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."
She didn't laugh one bit.
Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.
The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

We're going to be careful

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls.
The dentist says: "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."
The woman replies: "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we?"

Can you talk?

A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for his first cleaning and check-up. The hygienist tried to strike up a conversation but no re-sponse. After the cleaning, the dentist was called in to do the final check.
The dentist tried to strike up a conversation as well: "How old are you?" No response.
The dentist then asked: "Don't you know how old you are?" Immediately four tiny fingers went up.
"Oh," replied the dentist, "and do you know how old that is?" Four little fingers went up once again.
Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked: "Can you talk?"
The solemn little patient looked at him and asked: "Yes! And can you count?"

5 x 40 = 200

"Madam, 200 dollars for pulling your boy's tooth, please!"
"200 dollars?! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only 40 dollars for such work!"
"Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared out four other patients out of the office."
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