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EASTER JOKES
The Easter Bunny was killed

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!
The man was astonished. He said to the woman: "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
Interview with Easter Bunny

This week's special is our interview with Easter Bunny:
Barney's Web (BW): Thanks for talking to us.
Easter Bunny (EB): No problem. Do you mind if I eat while we talk? (takes out a packet of small green pellets) I've been in a rush recently.
BW: Go right ahead. We've some questions here.
EB: Ready when you are.
BW: "Is there just one Easter Bunny? Moreover, has the same Easter Bunny been the Easter Bunny for the last couple of millennia?"
EB: The fact of the matter is that there are quite a few Easter Bunnies, and we've never made a secret about that. Unlike the Santa Claus operation, which works under the improbable assumption that one guy delivers all those presents...
BW: Are you saying that Santa is a sham?
EB: I didn't say that. I never said that. What I am saying is that *we* don't work under the same sort of constraints. I mean, think about it. One bunny delivering baskets to several hundred million homes across the planet? The friction from the atmosphere alone would turn the poor guy into a bunny briquette. There'd be hideous charcoal smudges all over the baskets. "Easter Bunny" is a job description, not a proper name.
BW: So why are you THE Easter Bunny?
EB: Because I'm boss. You're not an Easter Bunny until I say you are.
BW: How does one become an Easter Bunny?
EB: Well, it's not just hopping down the bunny trail, I'll tell you. First, for reasons already explained, you have to be a bunny. After that, we have a psychological evaluation and a battery of physical tests you have to pass. We can't afford to have an Easter Bunny cramp up at the beginning of his run. But there are several occupational hazards of being the Easter Bunny. Large dogs are always a problem, of course: one moment you're delivering a basket of goodies, the next, a Rottweiler named Pinochet is on you like a meat-filled sock. Nervous homeowners with guns wing a couple of bunnies a year, as do edgy cops and private security guards. We don't even bother trying to deliver to the children of militia members anymore; first they'll plug you for being on their land, then they'll make you into jerky and a pair of gloves. But you know what our number one problem is?
BW: What?
EB: Sliding glass doors. Sometimes we'll just forget they're there. Man, that's embarrassing.
Easter song

Twas the day before Easter and all through the woods,
The bunnies were busy packing their goods.
The eggs were all colored so pretty and bright,
All things were "go" for the big, special night.

The baskets were waiting, all decorated with care,
In hopes that the Bunny soon would be there.
My little brother Sam was asleep in his bed,
While visions of Easter eggs rolled round his head.

And I in my pajamas with the cat on my lap,
I had just settled down for a quick little nap.
When outside the window I heard a great noise,
I sprang from my chair and jumped over some toys.

As quick as a flash to the window I flew,
I pulled up the shade and, OH, what a view.
The moon on the meadow cast a bright golden glow
And the wind blew the flowers to and then fro.

Then all of a sudden from out of nowhere,
Came some lively bunnies, hopping here, hopping there!
Leading the group with ears long and funny
Was a plump, all-white rabbit... That's right, the EASTER BUNNY
Q: Why do we paint Easter eggs?
A: Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!

Q: Why did the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn't want the other bunnies to know tht he was fooling around with the chickens.
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