MEDICAL JOKES

Give me the medical term

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said: "Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
It has to cut it off

A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices stange growth on his penis.
He sees several doctors. They all say: "You've been screwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off."
The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it. So he goes back and sees a doctor in Thailand.
The doctor examines him and says: "You've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?"
The man replies: "Yes, a few in the USA."
The doctor says: "I bet they told you it had to be cut off."
The man answers, "Yes!"
The doctor smiles, nods: "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself."
Hemorrhoids

Bob suffers severe pain every time he tries to sit down, so he goes to see the doctor.
"Undress and bend over," says the doctor.
The doctor crouches down and, after a brief examination, says, "You have hemorrhoids."
"Is that all?" says Bob. "Why couldn't you say that to my face?"
Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?
Doctor: Sell!
***
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
***
Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show?
Doctor: Absolutely nothing!
***
Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.