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PHARMACY JOKES

A prescription for Cyanide

This fellow comes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide. The pharmacist, trying to keep a professional posture, asked what he wanted it for.
He answered: "I want to kill my wife."
"I am sorry Sir," the pharmacist asked, "do you have a prescription for Cyanide."
The guy answered: I dont have a prescription, but I have a picture of my wife. Look at!
Oh, I see! You will get it!

Tampax

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy: "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight", the boy replied.
The man continued: "Do you know how these are used?"
The boy replied: "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for my brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you used these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one."

A family pack

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend: "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back: "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

What you could give me for it?

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with. The man said: "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said: "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister." When she returned, she said: "The best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000 a month in living expenses."

Any grapes?

A duck walked into a pharmacy. He asked the pharmacist: "Do you have any grapes?"
"No, but the grocery store two blocks down sells grapes." he replied.
The next day, the same duck walked into the same pharmacy and asked: "Do you have any grapes?"
"No, two blocks down on the right." replied the pharmacist somewhat annoyed.
The third day, the same duck walked back into the same pharmacy and asked the same question. This time the pharmacist said: "We don't sell grapes here. You have asked for grapes now for three days in a row. I have told you we don't sell them here, this is a pharmacy, not a grocery store. If you come back in here tomorrow asking for grapes again, I am going to nail your little webbed feet to the floor, NOW GET OUT OF HERE!"
The next day the same duck walks back into the same pharmacy, this time with quite a bit of trepidation. He looked around and asked the pharmacist: "Do you have any nails?"
"No" replied the pharmacist.
"Well then... Do you have any grapes?"

Now he won't dare cough

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen. The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Assistant replies: "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says: "He seems to be fine now."
Assistant replies: "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!"

Did you follow him?

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Who knows, maybe it's a good thing. The next day, the same man comes back to the store, purchases yet another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. "What's could be so funny about buying a condom, anyway?"
So he tells his clerk: "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes."
Sure enough, the next day the same man is back, he buys the condom, and again starts cracking up with laughter, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk: "Go follow the guy!"
About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies: "Your house."

Viagra

A man at the pharmacy to pick up his Viagra prescription exclaimed over the $10/pill price.
His wife, who was with him, had a different opinion: "Oh, $40 a year isn't too bad."
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