|Animal Jokes | Bar Jokes | Blonde Jokes | Canada Jokes | Children Jokes | Computer Jokes | Dentist Jokes | Desert Island Jokes | Easter Jokes | Father's Day Jokes | Fishing Jokes | Halloween Jokes | Immigration Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Love Jokes | Macedonia Jokes | Man-Woman Jokes | Marketing Jokes | Medical Jokes | Money Jokes | Mother in Law Jokes | Mother's Day Jokes | New Year Jokes | Old People Jokes | Pharmacy Jokes | Police Jokes | Political Jokes | President Jokes | Prison Jokes | Russia Jokes | School Jokes | Shopping Jokes | Sport Jokes | St. Patrick Jokes | Terrorism Jokes | USA Jokes | Vacation Jokes | Valentine's Day Jokes | Women's Day Jokes | Work Jokes|
A beautiful banner
Osama Bin Laden phoned President Bush and said: "Mr. President, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it was beautiful, and on top of every building, there was a beautiful banner."
Bush asked angrily: "And what was on the banner?"
Osama responded: "It said Allah is God, and God is Allah."
Bush said: "You know, Binny, I'm really glad you called, because last night I had a dream too. I could see all of Kabul, and it was even more beautiful than before the Russian occupation. It had been completely rebuilt, and on every building there was also a beautiful banner."
Bin Laden said: "What was on the banner?"
Bush replied: "I really don't know. I don't read Hebrew."
WARNING: Don't go to the bathroom on May 28th. CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who goes #2 on the 28th will be bitten on the ass by an alligator. Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American's toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty business.
I usually don't write jokes like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who's drug dealer sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building. He apparently overheard two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked.
Bush got a coded message from Saddam. It read: 370HSSV-0773H.
Bush was stumped and sent for the CIA. The CIA was stumped too, so it went to the NSA. The NSA couldn't solve it either, so they asked Bill Clinton. He suggested turning it upside down!
What to do with Osama?
As for what to do with Osama bin Laden:
Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release.
Therefore, I suggest we do neither.
Let the Special Forces, Seals or whatever covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation. Then we return her to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban.
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.
Choose a good name
Since history began, the Chinese always believed in the significance of one's name. They have developed a very comprehensive system of naming one's children as it is believed that the name of a person strongly influences one's destiny and fate. Astrologers, fortune tellers, academics and monks are consulted when choosing a name for the new born. Most other cultures, however do not really believe in it and tend to brush it off as superstition. Whether you believe it or not, however, the other cultures are not spared of this correlation. Look at the following familiar examples. Bush stands for:
Clinton stands for:
However, no one can beat this latest casualty in bad naming Osama stands for:
With all these, you better believe in the 5000 year old Chinese culture and make sure you choose a good name for your children.
Anagrams for Osama Bin Laden:
1. Be a Slain Nomad
2. Albania's Demon
3. A lesbian nomad
4. Alias "Boned Man"
5. So, I anal bad men
6. And I blame a son
7. I'm Dole bananas
8. I model bananas
9. Is a lone, bad man
10. Do a samba, Lenin
Saddam is alive
Iraqi officials gathered all 8 of Saddam Hussein's doubles into one room at his official palace and announced that they had some good news and some bad news for them.
"Firstly", said the official, "Saddam is alive."
There was a great cheer from the doubles.
"The bad news is that he has lost an arm."
Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam
Two guys, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish" says the Genie.
Osama Bin Laden said: "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks: "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains: "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out."
Uncle Sam says: "Fill it with water."