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WOMEN'S DAY JOKES

Lingerie

Seventy-five year old Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for his wife for Womenís Day.
Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young. Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife. Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom. Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she's never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all. So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked.
She calls out: "Marvin, come out to the hallway and look."
Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims: "All that money and they didn't even iron it?!"
I'll never understand

While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"
Songs about Womenís Day

Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing.
"Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Womenís Day."
"Thatís nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?"
"Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"
Womenís Day Gift Test

Which Women's Day gift would you like? To determine your personality, pick the gift you'd most like to receive!
1. Candy
2. Flowers
3. A sweet poem
4. Dinner/Dancing
5. Waffle iron

1. CANDY
It means that... You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share.
OR... You're a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything, even true love.

2. FLOWERS
It means that... You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture.
OR... You get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die.

3. A SWEET POEM
It means that... You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.
OR... You're used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.

4. DINNER/DANCING
It means that... You enjoy the company of that special someone and the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight.
OR... You're easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the dance floor.

5. WAFFLE IRON
It means that... You're a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use.
OR... You have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant fetish involving kitchen appliances.
Women's Quotes

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." (Maryon Pearson)

"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night." (Marie Corelli)

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." (Katharine Hepburn)

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." (Margaret Thatcher)

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
When a woman says: "Well, what do you think?", she is not asking for YOUR opinion. She is asking for HER opinion, but from your mouth.
***
When a man opens the door of his car for a woman, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the woman.
***
Husband: Right now, for this Womenís Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!
Wife: Oh dear, I will miss you!
***
Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight for Womenís Day?
Wife: Sure... You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the couch and drink beer and fart!

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